#broken hearts

[gabrielapazlima]

IS THAT A CROSSOVER EPISODE??

[theartistaslisalee]

Sareena is inconsolable…

A request for a user on Reddit. The fandom is not happy for sure.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

𝔩𝔶𝔬𝔫𝔨𝔦𝔡.𝔞𝔯𝔱

[melancholy-lute]

I am thy bride! Make thou the very most Of such poor comfort as those words may hold. Proclaim thy victory – say to thyself, “She is my bride – I wrung an oath from her. With miserable lies – she is my bride! She saved my wretched life, and in return I poison hers – but still she is my bride. She shudders at my all-polluting touch – She loathes my mean and miserable soul: What matters it, so that she be my bride?”

Broken Hearts, W. S. Gilbert

[fieriframes]

[All aboard the ship of love. We're going full speed ahead, toot toot! The ocean is full of broken hearts. And the captain is a kiss! Ship of love, full of tender hugs. I must steer the course to the island of love. There are pineapples and crabs there. But I cannot eat them, too heartbroken today. It's the ship, it's the ship. The ship of love. I drive the ship, drive the ship. The ship of love. Look out for rocks, big scary rocks. The rocks are metaphors for my broken heart!]

[lnkymind]

"I wake up in the morning, feeling low,"

"Telling myself things I don’t want to know."

"You're not enough, you’ll never make it far,"

"I’m stuck in my head, caught behind that scar."

[worfs-glorious-hair]

Druid!Tav and Sneaky God!Gale (post romance after finale) HCs *Part 2* or What if (Druid!)Tav met what was left of the real Gale in the God of Ambition?

Read Part 1 here

Under the whispers and the rumours – the god of ambition allows the statue of his weak, human self to stand tall and proud– can Tav sometimes hear a child calling for them. But it’s voice is so far away, when Tav answers they never get a reply back. Not until one night, when they awake another time from an unruly sleep and a colourful starry sky greets them through the open window. Blues and turquoises and purples and golds. A sky they have seen before, long ago in another life. On what they thought to be the happiest night of their life amidst the darkest shadows and an uncertain future. And there is the voice of the child again, this time closer. It sounds like Thaniel and then like Oliver and then speaks with a voice Tav does not know, not yet, would not know for several, many years to come. A voice that would be warm and comforting, humorous and kind, loving. “Tav, please, come outside. I I have to show you something!” And Tav follows the voice. “I am coming”, they call out for the child. “Stay where you are, please!” They nearly beg.

Tav stumbles out of the house and the world turns, it is no longer Reithwin, it is the clearing that this sky belongs to. The clearing of the happiest night of their life. The child, a boy, barely eight years old, maybe even just six or seven, stands in the middle of it and runs towards Tav. “I am so glad you came. I am glad that I could finally reach you”, he says. His voice sounds young and ancient but through and through human. Tav looks at the boy, brown eyes, familiar and sparkling, brown hair, tousled and curly at the ends.

“Who are you?”, the boy looks up to Tav and Tav knows the answer. “I don’t know… Not for certain. I just know that I need to talk to you, before I am lost forever in the cold…“, he eventually answers and his eyes are big and sincere.

“Do you want to sit down?”, asks Tav and gestures to the ground where a blanket is laid out and memories wait. “No”, says the boy. “It makes you sad. I make you sad. Why do I make you sad?” Tav’s heart feels as heavy as it ever did and they sigh. “Because I remember you. I knew you before, when you were all grown up. In another life, before you were trapped in the cold”, says Tav calmly and fights back the tears. “I don’t think I remember”, muses the boy with a calm, concentrated voice. “But I do know that you like it when I wear green, don’t you?”, asks the boy and this time is Tav’s chuckle real. “Yes, I do. A lot. It always suited you.” And with a snap of the boy’s fingers turns his silver tunic into a rich green. “That’s it! Do you like it?” Tav smiles and nods. “Very much! – We used to swap colors like that, you know”, Tav continues. “I would wear your purple and you would wear my green. I miss that”, they added. “I miss you…” The boy looks sad for a moment until he smiles slightly. “I could make your clothes purple. Should I do that?” Tav nods. “I would like this very much, thank you!” And with another snap of his fingers turns Tav’s shirt purple. A rich, soft purple, laced with some blues. “There, just like old times. I haven’t worn purple in a very long time”, Tav remarks with a careful smile. It’s true, they haven’t worn purple in many, many months. Or was it already more than a year since the brain fell? But they kept his clothes, the rich purple tunic made from the softest velvet with the silver ornaments at the hem. It rests together with their armour and a few other keepsakes, some infused with powerful magic, in a chest under their bed.

“Can I show you some more magic?”, asks the boy and Tav nods again. “Of course. Any time!”

“Look what I can do! Are you looking?”, excitement gleams in the boy’s eyes and Tav smiles and nods encouraging. “I am looking!” And the boy straightens his stance and sets off a bolt of lightning to a metal bucket in a puddle of water that wasn’t there before, Tav was sure of that. The lightning explodes in all the colours of the realms and Tav cheered. “This was beautiful… Look, I can do that, too…“ and they call down lightning from the skies to burn down the poor bucket even more. The boy looks at Tav with big, bright eyes.

“You and I and our friends once fought an army of metal men with just our magic, you know. And we tore the evilest of the metal men apart with only our lightning bolts”, they told him. “Do you remember that?” The boy decided to now sit down and Tav follows. “I think I remember… Was there a big metal door and a really dark cellar with many evil people there who hurt other people?”

“Yes, there were these evil people… But we could fight them and help the people they hurt. I am glad that you remember that. It was a remarkable day!” “I think I was…”, the boy seems to be lost in thought, trying hard to remember something important, “I think I was really happy to help you with my magic! And I think I wanted to be wherever you were. Go with you wherever you went to” Tav smiles and nods. “I was so happy that you were there, too. We couldn’t have done it without your magic! Without you! Do you know that you are special and wonderful with and without your magic?”

The boy looks at Tav for a moment, contemplating their words and then crawls wordlessly over to them and into their lap. Tav tenses. But just for a moment. This is what is left of Gale. A bright eyed boy with magic in his fingertips and a tendency to burn things. So they close their arms around him and let him cuddle closer to them, let him rest his head against their shoulder.

“You are warm”, he remarks and Tav just pulls him even closer as they remember the iciness charged with static that danced around him when he appeared for the party, his divine magic or whatever he called it. It had been uncomfortable just to stand next to him. How much worse must it be for a child trapped in it?

“Should I transform into a wolf for you?”, Tav asks. “It’s fur is so gloriously warm, you would be warm in no time.” Tav feels him shake his head. “No, thank you”, he turns around on their lap and Tav immediately looses their embrace around him. He sits up on his shins between Tav’s legs and looks up at them. “It’s nicer to just be here with you. And not with the wolf you’d pretend to be…”

And Tav’s heart stops for a second. These words, in variation, is what they told him, not him, the boy that currently kneels before them, but their Gale, a thousand lifetimes before, before the pain, during a boat ride through the outer planes. What does it mean that the boy uses these words now?

“Then let us just stay here for another while”, they answer, repeating Gale’s words from before this pain and the boy nestles closer to them and Tav strokes his hair. It is peaceful and calm. A gentle nightly breeze whispers through the trees and the crickets chirp.

And they sit and look up together at the colourful starry sky and Tav sees a life between the colours and the stars pass by. Another life, the same as this, but different. A life where Gale chooses Tav over the crown. A life in which the crown rests unbothered deep down in the Chionthar.

As they watch how the Gale and the Tav from the other life talk with Tara at a party in the wilds that this Tav remembers very differently, is Tav suddenly feeling small hands grabbing the fabric of their shirt tightly and a face pressing against their body, they feel his small body shake and hear muffled cries. Tav wraps their arm even tighter around him while the other strokes his hair. “Oh it’s okay, little one, I am here. You are not alone… Cry as much as you need. I am here for you. You are safe with me!” They soothe and hush and rub his back and fight against their own tears all the while. No, they won’t cry, not in front of him. He doesn’t need their tears, he needs their love and their strength now. They sit like this for a few minutes or an eternity, it doesn’t matter. When he calms down he begins talking.

“Tara… I will never see her again. We will never cuddle again. I remember, she was angry with me. And sad like you were. At this party. Where the other you and the other me, the grown-up me that was normal, just went to. The party when the people were happy. When you and I were there we didn’t laugh, didn’t we? And I was cold. So cold. Why did he do that what he did? Tav, why did I do that? Why was becoming like stone and silver and ice better than staying with you? Why did I leave Tara behind? I will now never see my best friend again. And I am always so cold. I am perishing, Tav, some day soon will the cold consume me entirely – and what then? Then I am gone and you are sad. And Tara is sad. And Mummy will be sad, too… This is all my fault, isn’t it?”

Tav shakes their head, gently and deliberately while still fighting their tears. “It is not your fault, none of this is. You, little one, are the most wonderful, magical person I have ever had the honour of meeting and there will be no one like you ever again. Your magic is beautiful and your gift is truly special, but it is not why I love you so, so much. It’s your kindness and your creativity and your friendship. And Tara knows this just like I do. And your Mummy too. They all love you. I promise you, you have done nothing wrong, Gale…” But before Tav can continue speaking are they interrupted. – “Gale? Is that my name?”, he asks.

“Yes, it is. You have forgotten it, haven’t you?”, Tav answers, heart as heavy as can be.

“I am afraid I have forgotten a lot”, he answers and Tav smiles involuntarily, sometimes he sounds so much older, so much more like the Gale they knew. “No matter”, Tav reassures him. “I will tell you everything you may want to know, if you like. And I will remember everything for the both of us…”

“But I know that I like it when you say my name. I can then remember better what I felt like before the cold…” Tav smiles.

“Do you think the grown-up you and me in the other life are happy?”, he suddenly asks. And Tav answers immediately, not a single ounce of doubt in their heart. “Yes, I think they are very happy. And will be until the end of their lives!” The boy, Gale, smiles. “And are you happy in this life?”, he continues. Tav pauses, silently contemplating everything that had brought them to this point in their life. And they can hear the question that he is not asking out loud. When I leave, when I have to leave you again, will you be alright? Please don’t be alone! Are you alone? “Right now? Yes, I think I am happy. But most importantly, I am at peace. You don’t have to worry about me, Gale! I have the children and the land to look after, to teach them, to see them grow. And I have Halsin. I am not alone. And I am home here…” – “Then I am glad”, Gale says with a smile and for a moment sees Tav their Gale again, brightly smiling, eyes sparkling with confidence and love. Their lips start to quiver and they bite down on them to not start crying after all of their efforts.

“Do you want to say your goodbyes to him?”, Gale suddenly asks. “What do you mean? Do you have to say goodbye now?”, Tav feels panic rising in their chest, not now, it’s too soon! But Gale shakes his head. “To the other me, the Gale we saw in the stars. I can bring you there to him and the other you for one moment. To the moment when he decides to leave the crown in the river… I know you never got to say goodbye to him.” And Tav is speechless, so they just nod. “Please”, they whisper, their voice raw. “Close your eyes”, he instructs and Tav does as they are told.

When they open their eyes again are they standing at the docks, the docks he had left them behind so long ago. They can smell the smouldering, burning city behind them, see the orange sky, feel dried blood and dried water from the river sticking to their forehead. But they are not in their own body, it feels as different as it is familiar. It’s not their armour they are wearing, nor their gloves. But they wear their boots, they notice. Tav would recognise these soles anywhere. Thin but sturdy and infused with magic to misty step wherever to and whenever they would like – these boots truly were a good ‘find’ in the grymforge after defeating Nere… – “A wise suggestion…”, they hear Gale say with a calm face and relaxed voice. A human voice. It draws them into the moment where everything is different. He wears another armour, another magical infused headband. But the same gloves. But most importantly is his face calm, relaxed and a playful hope and faith in the future sparkles behind his eyes. Tav has never seen him so at peace, so content in the here and now. Content with just being human. “I have felt the hubris once before and it landed myself with this orb. I’d rather not make the same mistake again. If this adventure has taught me anything is that there are things in this world far more valuable than power – you for example…” Tav choked on their tears, at hearing these words from him. A tight feeling blocking their throat as they threw themselves around Gale’s neck, cradling his face and kissing him. A quick, desperate kiss that took him by surprise, but he instantly and instinctively held them securely by the waist. Oh it’s been so long… Tav thought. His hands on their body feel like how they have always felt. But it was not their Gale, not completely. This was this Tav’s Gale. And they were not his Tav. This Tav was. “Thank you, my love”, Tav in the other Tav’s body choked out against his lips. “Thank you!”, they repeated now with a light heart, a heavy weight finally being pulled from their soul. “Good luck, my love!”, they whispered urgently and draw themselves inwards, to this life’s Tav’s soul and consciousness who watches with confusion why their body acts this way and why they are feeling so much desperation and so much relief. ‘Thank you for letting me do this, for letting me say goodbye…’ Tav tells the owner of this body. ‘Wait, don’t go yet’, says the Tav from the other life suddenly. ‘I know you. I have seen you in my dreams – you are me in a way, are you not?’ Tav, the guest in this body, nods. ‘So it’s true then’, Tav from the other life continues. ‘I have changed the future… We can be free of the docks. He will stay with me and we will be human together!’ Tav, the guest, nods again and smiles. ‘Well done, Tav! Good luck!’ And with that is the connection severed and both Tavs are back on being alone in their minds and back in their own bodies.

Tav returns to the clearing and sighs, taking in the colorful sky and Gale, still a child, who looks very proud of himself. “Have you done it? How are you feeling?”, he asks. Tav smiles, wide and real and like they haven’t smiled in a very long time. “I am free, I can finally be free…”, they murmur more to themselves. “I feel lighter, relieved”, Tav eventually answers Gale’s question. “I don’t know how I could ever thank you for what you have done tonight for me.” But Gale shakes his head. “Without me, without what your Gale has done to you, to the world, wouldn’t we even be in this situation. You owe me nothing…”

“I feel the cold creeping closer”, Gale says some time later, “I have to go now…” – “Will you be alright?”, Tav asks, not wanting him to leave, wanting to protect him from the cold and the ambition around him, if only they could wrap him in their coat and bring him home… “I will be”, he says, standing up tall and proud, eyes shining bright with the confidence they love so much about him, he is now even more resembling the man Tav knew. A memory of the man he once was. The soul that he still is and embodies. “I will fight the cold as long as I can, I promise. And I will be the voice of idleness in him for as long as I can”, he chuckles at his joke that is not truly a joke.

But then is he a child again. With big, worried eyes. “Can you tell Mummy and Tara that I am sorry? And that I love them? So, so much!” – “Of course, little one. Anything you want!” – “Thank you! I don’t think we will see each other again…” – “You will always be in here”, they promise him and lay a hand over their heart. “For the rest of my life! Remember this. You are loved. So, so much!”

“Goodbye Tav”, the boy, Gale, smiles and waves at Tav and they wave back and smile through the tears that are by now dangerously close to threatening to spill over and energy crackles around him, engulfing him completely, slowly shielding him from view, making him disappear from Tav forever. But his goodbye lingers and echoes around the clearing with the stars full of colours and memories of another life and just before the energy consumes him completely is there a voice laced in the echoes. A voice that is warm and full and confident and kind and all grown-up.

“Farewell my love!”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~. ~.~.~.~.~. ~.~.~.~.~.

TAGGING @incrediblethirst 💜

A/N: Thank you for reading, thank you for taking a look into (my) Tav’s life after Gale became a god.

Fun fact: Tav (with the sneaky god) being all teary eyed and choked up when Gale decides to leave the crown be was me in front of my playstation in my fix-it run when I defeated the brain and got this dialogue afterwards. I got so emotional and tried to put into (Tav’s) words what I felt when he decided that I (his Tav) mattered more than being a god. This pixel man… He truly does things to me.

Meeting Gale as a child was something I had in mind for longer as I had to live with the sneaky god ending. But I didn’t think it would be my divorce from the god of ambition that would make the need to finally actually write it down and think about it properly.

Loosely inspired by Elminster’s letter at the epilogue party after Gale becomes a god. I am definitely not a fan of Elminster but the letter touched me, inspired me (obviously) and made me think – a lot. Here are the parts of the letter I hope you will recognise in the HC collection as I worked with them.

“You could have been no more than eight summers’ old, clutching your mother’s apron, eyebrows singed off by the fireball you’d unleashed into your neighbour’s rose bush. You were crying because the flowers were so beautiful, and you didn’t mean to destroy them.

[…]

Where is that child now, I wonder? […] [I]s he within you still, lost amongst the trappings of godhood you so casually adorn yourself with?”

And if you are sad now like I am, let me tell you some good news: I am working on putting the happily ever after hcs together, the Druid!Tav X Human!Gale shenanigans 🥹💚 More to come soon!

[soulinkpoetry]

We haven’t lost our minds, it’s just that we’ve had our hearts broken.

-Soulinkpoetry

That’s all

.

[teammemes]

Yes ma’am 🫡

[escespace]

Merlin and Arthur but:

All is well, Camelot is great, peace, harmony, magic is allowed, the birds sing...

Then Merlin, in a moment of excitement, either because he can no longer contain his emotions or perhaps everything has been so good that he cannot imagine the worst that can happen, decides to take a leap of faith. After all, he took a risk with his magic and Arthur accepted it; perhaps he should finish revealing all his secrets in the same way.

Anyway, A day like any other after unbearable council sessions and endless document review and reorganisation of patrols. As they close the day with a warm dinner and the silence of the night, Arthur receives a handkerchief from Merlin's hands itself.

It's clean, Woodsy scent, and neatly folded. It's not one Merlin has ever used (not that Arthur would notice those details). And the only thing Arthur could think of to answer after looking at Merlin as if he had fish coming out of his ears was:

«So... Okay, yeah... I'll give it to George when I see him in the morning. I also noticed that his is a little faded»

Merlin does not correct him out of shame.

The next day, although in his new position Merlin no longer accompanies the training sessions so often, he appears when usually end to give Arthur the water and some sweets that he get from the market.

«This is great, Merlin» Arthur said as he took the bag «It's about time you put your head to work. The knights will appreciate it when they can't stand up. I plan to get them fit as I haven't had time to keep them un check recently, you get me, right?»

Merlin didn't correct him that time either.

After a few days and much thought, I wait until the end of a meeting with some leaders of magical communities who still cannot sympathize with Arthur. The meeting was not good, they still distrust the crown and that puts the king under pressure so when only the two of them remained, the tension didn't help.

«What is this?» Arthur shook the object in his hand back and forth in disbelief.

«a book»

«a book... A book, Merlin? A Magic book... Are you kidding me with this, really?! Isn't the mess we just made with this enough for you, you want to make fun of it too?!»

«Arthur, I'm not...»

«"You idiot! I really should have taught you some manners before»

«but...»

«You better get out of here before I... Ugh! AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU IN WHAT REMAINS OF THE DAY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?»

And of course, he had to throw the book, didn't he? Fortunately, it hit the door as soon as Merlin closed it behind him.

The feeling of not being able to breathe, even if he was physically breathing perfectly, and the discomfort in his nose that made him blink more than what is normal accompanied him until he reached the forest, right at the point where I used to collect herbs. And as her cheeks became wet (strange, he would definitely have to tell Gaius if the symptoms that suddenly attacked her got worse... No, no, it can't get worse, he's fine).

«Hey, Merls, I saw you walking here alone, you shouldn't be wandering around alone... Merls?»

In the royal chambers, Arthur is now a little calmer, his mind clear, and he even started reading the book Merlin brought him. Surprise! It seems he might get a couple of good ideas out of it. Traditional offerings and ceremonies of friendship. He will then tell Merlin that the book is useful... Or he will point it out indirectly... Or he will pat him on the shoulder... Something like that.

But it is Arthur we are talking about, he cannot stand the noise of his own thoughts for long, much less the silence of his bedroom, so he sends for Merlin with a guard.Instead, they bring Gwen, who seems to be the only one who was able to point out where Merlin had gone and since the guards are chickens, they preferred to let her talk to the king.

«He is not immediately available Arthur, it seems he went to pick herbs» She explains after a polite but warm exchange.

«That hasn't been one of his tasks for a long time»

«He isn't tour manservant either and so his chores may keep him away at times when you suddenly want his company»

«It's nothing like that! I am his king, he is a court sorcerer. We have matters of great priority to discuss»

«Maybe. But he didn't look good and he needs his time right now»

«Has something happened?»

«I don't know, Arthur, something happened between you two?»

Look, I won't go into details about the feelings between Arthur and Gwen because this isn't about that (and my own opinion is extensive too) but in this fic things didn't evolve between them, But everything remains friendly and as much as Arthur values having honest and assertive people on his council, Arthur made it very clear that Gwen would always have the right to treat him first as friend. However, because of Gwen's character and political wisdom she has always been careful with her words, so it is a shock that she calls him by his name when she hasn't done so for so long.

They talk a little about how things went wrong at the meeting with the new magical community and what may or may not have been a little hasty with their reactions to something Merlin did

«What did he do?»

With a bit of a struggle he tells him that Merlin bought him a book related to magic. And once that comes out of his mouth he realizes how much of an idiot he is because his behavior was out of line and he just wanted an excuse to let out his bad temper.

«It's my fault, I know. I let my pride get the better of me and Merlin ended up unfairly on the receiving end. I felt unfit, but it was something against myself»

«You will have to make amends. It's not the first time, Arthur, and once you realize your mistakes the only thing left is to correct them»

«I thought I had grown up a long time ago... It seems not»

«We all have flaws. It's not something we get rid of when we reach a certain age or realization»

A bit more chatter and finally Arthur mention something interesting

«...And it's not even the first one recently...»

«What are you talking about?»

«I don't know, I thought you would know more with all the gossip you two do. He's been so thoughtful lately, not that he isn't always, but he gives gifts here and there, he gave candy to replenish the gentlemen's energy when I take them a little further. And George a new neckerchief, can you believe it? Not that he had the courage to give it to him himself, he forced me to do it, as the girl he is. I don't imagine he gave you»

«Arthur, Why wouldn't he give George a gift himself? The candy... He also gave it through you?»

«Yes, why...»

«You know, Arthur, we gain nothing but honor from being on your council... It helps us to have that prestige to get more work, me in the forge and Merlin with the patients. Don't you find that strange now he's so giving then?»

«It's Merlin, I didn't question anything around him»

«Agh! Arthur, a favor, sweets, and then gift specifically thinking of you, something you ended up needing...»

«wha... Wait... No»

«yes»

«but...I- I have to find him»

«no!»

«yes!»

He passed her before she could delay him and thought he heard her say something about Gwaine going after Merlin but he didn't have time to waste wondering what one thing had to do with the other.After all, perhaps it would be better if he found them sooner rather than later or else they would end up dragging them out of a tavern, right?

He knew quickly where Merlin would be, it was common knowledge that even when he no longer had to go out to gather herbs himself, that place was special to him.

He arrived in time to see from a distance something that left him stuck in place.

Merlin on the floor, sitting, red face and bulging eyes but smiling at Gwaine's foolery. Gwaine, for his part, is perhaps too close to Merlin. It is a distance that is common between that pair, but surrounded by nature, one kneeling in front of the other, eye contact; one hand on Merlin's knee and the other... PASSING A FLOWER ACROSS MERLIN'S FACE?!

The burning sensation that rises through his sternum is not like a bad digestion, it is worse, it makes him almost tremble. It doesn't help that your eyes are starting to hurt, is it because of the poor lighting at that time of day?

Oh My oh My, he can't fool himself, not anymore, no never again...

«He can't even see me like that, you know? That's why he doesn't notice it»

«I noticed it, Merlin, I always notice you»

Their faces too close to each other, Arthur is brave for many things but not for that, he wouldn't do that to himself, he wouldn't see it.

And as he walked away, back to the castle, he thought that he might as well be leaving his heart on the ground where he had been paralyzed, for he could no feel more than emptiness in his chest

[gabrielapazlima]

''i could play her like a fiddle''

tw-suggestive

[letsbeapoemtogether]

No one talks about the violence it took to be someone who remembers everything. 

Abhilasha

[rosemary-morgan]

Javier Escuella X F.Reader - It's never to late to repent (Part 4) 18+

(Pictures found on pinterest/google. That one with Javier is mine. Collage made by me 🌺)

Many thanks to @fangirl-ramblings 🖤 she has been beta reading for me 🌹

The 4 Part is online 🥰 thanks to all who read and like my story 🐝🌺 I hope you will enjoy the this chapter too!

Tag list: @fangirl-ramblings @rose-of-black-blood @livingdeadgirly @coaxium-captain-rex @12timetraveler @butterballchannie @charlesjaviersimp @ashethesimp @planetahmane @snoowply @sylum @noodle-tm @karmashatty @nadnad09 @lill2350 @slightlyexpiredyogurt8 @natnuszsstuff @boniscute @books-arebetterthan-boys @pedropascalluvr69 @blackrosegarden6 @sie-werden-nie-vergessen @inlovewithjavierescuella

If anyone of you want to be tagged to not miss the newest chapter, please let me know 🙏 If you want me to take you off the list, please tell me

And sorry if there are errors with the Spanish words. Please tell me if so. Thanks 🖤

👉Read part 1 / part 2 / part 3

Warning: Nsfw 18+! Very erotic stuff y'all, trigger moments, angst

Summary: The love between you had never stopped and your nights are now again marked by passion. But there is a dark secret that you can not tell Javier. Not yet, for it would break his heart. Now that you had found each other again, you didn't want to risk it all. But he has a right to know…

Javier Escuella X F.Reader - It's never to late to repent (Part 4) 18+

You still couldn't believe that Javier was standing in front of you. Just when you were about to throw all your hopes overboard, a small miracle happened. Javier's eyes sought your gaze and you could clearly see that he was afraid of your reaction. He was very tense, but how could you refuse him now? After you had so ardently wished that he would come and see you?

"I… um, Y/N, listen, I know… this…"

The words were stuck in his throat, because he really didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to find the right words either?

"I needed to see you, Y/N… But… I understand if you have finally lost your patience with me. I understand if…"

You approached him without words and the next moment you threw yourself into his arms. Full of relief, he closed his eyes, his arms immediately wrapped around your body and he hugged you tightly. He immediately buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent deeply. God, how he had missed your lovely scent!

"Javier…"

Your voice trembled as you whispered his name. Your hands clawed desperately at his raven black hair as your tears ran unstoppably down your face. You heard Javier sigh softly, followed by a quiet sob before he swallowed.

"Y/N… I'm sorry…" he whispered against your neck and you could feel his tears wetting your skin. His warm, strong body nestled against yours made you feel safe and secure.

You looked straight into his eyes as he took hold of your tender face and begged you again to forgive him.

"Lo siento mucho, Y/N!"

His cheeks grew quite warm, the tears ran inexorably down his face. So much pain, so much sorrow and regrets were on his face. Too many emotions to cope with.

"I have caused you so much grief."

But instead of facing him with anger and hatred, you just smiled through tears. The time for scorn was long gone and everything you wanted, you now had. Your dearest Javier had returned.

Gently you placed your hands on his, your lips were so close, you could feel each other's warm breath.

"I've only ever thought of you, Javier. All these years…"

And that was when Javier couldn't take it anymore and without warning, he kissed her. Instantly, your knees went all soft, blissful lap through your whole body.

"How could I ever forget you?" whispered Javier, before kissing you longingly again, brushing the strands of your hair from your face.

Words of love filled your house and every single word came from the depths of your soul. From two people who had suffered immensely without the other. Neither of you ever wanted to be apart again.

"Te quiero! Te quiero mucho, Y/N! Yo nunca dejé de amarte!"

And you had never stopped loving him either. This moment seemed like a beautiful dream and you were so afraid of letting go of Javier. You were afraid that this beautiful moment could burst like a soap bubble. It wouldn't be bearable for you a second time.

"I love you, Javier."

Desperately you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and Javier held you tightly, enveloping you with his arms like the wings of an angel.

Suddenly he knelt in front of you, wrapped his arms around your middle and he pressed his face against your stomach, sighing heavily and you could feel that he was trembling. Javier could do nothing, his tears would not end. You lovingly stroked his black hair. Good God, how much time you had lost… how much had been taken from you…

When Javier looked up to you, his eyes were filled with warmth and trust. As his warm hands laid on your tender arms, you suddenly felt hot and deepest excitement shot through your body. His touch felt so damn good and you closed your eyes for a moment, your heart pounding like crazy.

"Javier…"

"Y/N…"

Javier whispered your name, rising from his spot. He stood close to you, his warm breath brushing your cheek. His hands squeezed your arms and you gasped, closing your eyes. A lustful sigh escaped your lips as Javier gently pressed your body against his.

"The nights were so cold… so lonely without you, mi rosa…" he whispered hoarsely against your lips and you thought you would lose your mind at any moment. Between your legs was tingling like crazy and you wanted, no, you needed his touch, his lips, his body…

His lips gently brushed your cheek and you could hear how aroused he was too.

"I've dreamed of this moment so many times, Y/N," Javier groaned in your ear and he closed his eyes, breathing in your seductive scent, burying his face in the crook of your neck with a deep sigh. Carefully you wrapped your arms around his neck, letting the wave of pleasure take you for good.

"The warmth of your body, the taste of your lips… I almost went crazy without you…"

His fingers ran over your arms as he said this.

"Javier…"

As his hand gently touched your cheek, you leaned into his touch. Javier had always been tender and you had missed that feeling so much. His beautiful eyes took in every little detail of your face. Your shapely lips, the long lashes and your eyes that shimmered with tears.

"Your touches, your kisses…. I missed them so much, Javier…"

And that was never to be again, Javier had told himself. Yet when your lips met, your kiss instantly ignited like a fire. Javier reached for the hem of your dress, pushing it up, his hand roaming over your bare thigh. You were wearing long white stockings, fastened with a small bow to hold to your thigh. His fingers gently clawed into your firm flesh, full of desire for you. He had always had a weakness for long stockings and he liked the idea of stripping you down to them and making love to you.

His lips detached from yours, rather he let his mouth slide over your throat. Moaning softly, you let your head fall back, enjoying this erotic moment.

"Ahh… Javier…" Your hands claw into his hair as Javier greedily tasted the skin on your throat, gently biting into your flesh…

♦♦♦♦

His beautiful, naked body resembled stunning marble; firm and strong, slender and desirous. His hands slid under the hem of your undergarment that covered your trembling body. Inch by inch he pushed it up, over your waist and stomach, until he had freed your beautiful breasts. Rosy nipples tightened under his gaze. His eyes grew dark with desire and Javier couldn't believe his luck. You lay before him, in the flesh. Beautiful and desirable!

After he had removed your undergarments, he carelessly threw it aside and you lay in the soft sheets dressed only in your white, long stockings. Biting your lips gently, you looked up at Javier, giving him a glimpse between your legs as you opened them for him. You could hear him inhale deeply, trembling with excitement.

"Oh, querida…"

Did you realize how crazy you were driving him? How much he desired you? His hands covered your tits, pressing them together. He lifted them to his lips as he lowered his head and his hair slid over your oversensitive, heated skin, while his mouth swallow one of the stiff nipples, kissing it first and then circling it with his tongue, making you moan with pleasure.

Javier continued, covering your other tit with tender bites. You squirmed helplessly, wishing he would lick your hot, throbbing pussy. To kiss it and give it the attention it needed right now. You could barely stand it anymore, so your hand slipped between your legs and you started caressing yourself. Javier noticed this immediately and he had to grin, rather he let your nipple slide out of his mouth with a smack. Slowly, he slid down on your body. Grabbing your hips, he lifted your hips to finally taste your sweet little pussy after such a long time. Completely captivated by your scent, Javier closed his eyes for a moment and breathed it in. You desperately whispered his name as you felt infinite pleasure at that moment. His tongue parted your folds, swapping between them and finding your clitoris. Slowly, ever so slowly, Javier circled the small, pulsating center of your desire. He alternated licking and sucking on you until he heard you lustfully call his name. It was like a sighing plea to finally take you.

Deeply his tongue plunged into your tight, wet opening, fucking you in a delicious way and you thought you were going to lose your mind.

"Javier…!"

Clutching at the pillow, you threw your head to the side, moaning with pleasure as your inner thighs began to quiver.

Your breasts rose and fell with each breath and Javier's dark eyes, looked up at you. He enjoyed the sight of your beautiful body, the expression of pure bliss on your face. His tongue ran in circular motions over your clit, sometimes faster and then slower. You could barely stand the feeling and you suppressed a loud moan, pressing the back of your hand to your mouth. "Oh my god… ahhh…"

"Ahh… Y/N…"

Javier encircled your swollen pearl and he started sucking on it, stroking your thighs with his hands and as you reached into his hair, a deep growl came from his throat. His cock was perfectly hard and erect, pre-cum dripping from its tip, sliding slowly down his shaft. He could hardly stand it anymore, becoming more energetic in his actions as he also slid his fingers into your opening to fuck you with his fingers.

Briefly Javier had to swallow your nectar to continue and before you could think any further you came with a lustful moan, your back arching and Javier holding you tightly to his mouth so you could ride out your orgasm.

"Mi rosa… you are so beautiful…" he whispered, breathing a kiss on your inner thigh before sliding up to you, his warm, toned body resting on yours.

Javier grabbed his cock and made circular motions with the tip on your clit.

"Look at me, sweetheart…" he whispered, gently turning your face towards him and when you opened your eyes, Javier could see the tears in them. But he could tell that you were just happy at the moment.

"I want to look at you when I make love to you…"

"Javier…"

His words were as sweet as honey, his touches and kisses gentle as a bird's wings.

As his hand sought yours to intertwine your fingers, he guided his cock to your wet opening and you instantly took him in. With a deep, lustful moan on both sides, you looked into each other's eyes, saw the lust in each other's faces. A beautiful and very intimate moment for you.

You clawed almost desperately at his masculine back, almost as if you were afraid he might be taken from you again. But Javier felt the same way. The thought of letting you go again was out of the question for him.

"Mi amor… I love you…"

Your pussy was like velvet and you were hot and so wet… Javier thought he was losing his mind. He began to thrust himself inside you. Slowly at first, for he savored being so deep inside you. His throbbing cock filled you completely. "Ahh… you are so tight and so hot…. hssst… ahhh…" he moaned against your ear and he bit your earlobe. His voice had gone a notch deeper and darker and that made your body tremble with pleasure. His lips kissed your mouth as he moved rhythmically inside you and his scent clouded your senses. He smelled of leather, spicy lavender and tobacco…

The sound of his balls smacking against your wetness filled the room. Enveloped by your scent and your husky, lustful sounds, and after more powerful thrusts from Javier, he felt that he was about to climax and you too felt yourself tingling intensely between your legs. When his hand slipped between your bodies to caress your clit, your climax overtook you. Your body arched lustfully towards Javier and you clawed at his strong arms, seeking help, driving him crazy with the sight of your beautiful body. And finally he squirted his seed deep into your soft pussy, growling lustfully and closing his eyes as he thrust into you, trembling while riding out his climax.

You clung to each other in the soft sheets of your bed, enjoying this precious moment. Panting heavily, you lay on top of each other and Javier had his arms wrapped tightly around your body. You felt so desired, so loved… you had the feeling that you would always find protection in his arms. When his eyes searched your gaze, you smiled lovingly at him and Javier covered your face with tender kisses. Gently he kissed your cheek, your chin, your nose, your eyelids and finally your seductive mouth.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments; foreheads resting together and looking into each other's eyes, not wanting to lose the feeling of the other. This was a special moment for both of you….

♦♦♦♦

"Where have you been all these years, Javier?" you asked softly as you rested against his chest. It was such a pleasant silence that surrounded you both. The sun's rays fell directly on their naked bodies, mentioning you. The young man gently stroked your arm as he looked up at the ceiling, thinking about where best to start. He had been through a lot in the last five years, had made bad decisions. But after the decline of the gang, he too had been lost. For Javier, everything had been hopeless then.

"I was lost, mi rosa. I had made many, wrong decisions."

You listened to him, snuggling even closer to his chest, gently running your fingers over his skin.

"After the decline, I got into one shit situation after another. I didn't… didn't care about anything anymore, you know? I stole, killed to survive. I was just a shadow of my former self."

You could understand him well, and you knew Javier. He had a guilty conscience for all those things, but they were in the past now and you had to let them rest sometime. You were lucky to have Abigail and John as support. Otherwise, you would have been in a bad way after Micah and Dutch brought everyone to ruin.

"But I was given another chance. And this man is really like a father to me. He's given me a lot, shown me a lot."

He was talking about his boss, who had finally persuaded him to seek you out.

Curiously you looked up at him and when you saw Javier smile you knew everything was right. Giving you a kiss on the forehead, he sighed contentedly.

" I'm very happy that you live in this beautiful place, Y/N. I'm happy that you're doing well and living a good life."

Tears came to your eyes at his words. It had been half a life without him, but his words touched you. It only confirmed how much he loved you.

"Without Abigail and John, I don't think I would have made it as easily as I did."

Javier was now very curious when you mentioned their name. Javier often thought of John.

"They were supportive of me, Javier. I was with them for almost two years until finally I was able to build my own life."

But there was one thing you didn't mention. A trauma that you hadn't really dealt with until today, and if Javier found out, it would break his heart. Only Abigail, John and little Jack knew about that. Something that had shaken you all to the core. You immediately shook off that thought, because it wasn't time to tell Javier yet. Was there even a time for it?

"I'm just glad we found each other again, darling," you whispered as you nestled your face into the crook of his neck and took a deep breath of his scent.

"I love you, Y/N."

His arms wrapped protectively around you and neither of you had the intention to stand up. Time seemed to have stopped for you.

You had been stranded, left by the wayside and yet, your lives had moved forward. Javier had managed to get his life together, just like you. You both earned your money with hard work and you were proud of it. You were more grown up, had realized at some point that life as an outlaw was not a romantic affair. No one knew better than you, because you had gone through it…

♦♦♦♦

You stood in the kitchen, your thoughts giving you no peace. A bit nervously you chewed your thumb, looking out of the window, lost. Dark clouds were gathering, the thunder was already rumbling in the distance.

"Is everything all right, honey?"

You seemed a bit sad this morning and Javier wondered what the reason could be. There was indeed a reason, but you couldn't talk about it. At least not yet. You had just found each other and you didn't want a shadow to be cast over your love.

"Yes. I'm just a little sick to my stomach."

Loving as Javier was, he gently stroked your cheek and smiled encouragingly at you.

"You should lie down for a bit. Drink some chamomile tea, that will calm your stomach."

You gave him a warm smile, rather kissing him tenderly.

"Maybe you're right."

"I have to go now. My client doesn't like to wait."

"Okay, Javi. I'll see you tonight."

He gave you another deep, intimate kiss but instead of pulling away from you, he intensified the kiss, his body snuggling against yours and pressing you against the counter, making you gasp in pleasure. Instantly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss.

"Javi?"

"Mmm…"

His lips roamed over your neck, and he knew exactly where to kiss you so you'd be all his.

"Don't you have to go to work?" you asked with an amused undertone.

"Mhm… I still have a few minutes," he whispered against your skin and without giving it much thought, he grabbed your thighs and lifted you onto the counter. With a seductive smile, you pulled Javier by his collar while your beautiful legs wrapped around his waist.

"I just can't keep my hands off you," he purred low and excited as he slid his hand under your skirt to feel your skin.

"Javi…"

You became instantly wet and that was just from his voice, his touch and his closeness. There was nothing wrong with performing a quick fuck in the kitchen, was there?

But your plan was thwarted when you heard a wagon. Javier looked out the window and saw someone approaching.

"Who is that?"

It could only be John. She looked up at Javier.

"Let's go outside. That must be John."

"John?"

What was John doing here? Out of nowhere like this? Javier frowned but followed, and he was more than curious to know how these circumstances fit together.

"Hey, Y/N! I brought you some stuff from town. And…"

John's smile evaporated as Javier suddenly appeared behind you. He thought he was seeing a ghost and he had to realize Javier was really here. John shook his head barely noticeably, closing his eyes briefly and frowning.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hola, John…"

"I said, what the hell are you doing here?"

And John sounded rather irritated. Instantly, he climbed off his wagon, made his way straight to the two of you. You had guessed that this reunion wouldn't be easy. But that John would react so negatively to Javier was surprising even to you.

"I could ask you the same thing, amigo."

Javier didn't appreciate being approached without any respect. John was angry, yes, he could understand. But if he was going to act foolish, well, so could Javier.

"I'll take care of, Y/N. Unlike you, Javier!"

Javier swallowed hard. Yes, John had been right. He hadn't been there for you, but he was now, and he would stay.

"You better get out of here, Javier! You have no business being here!"

"What? Says who? You?"

"Enough!"

The whole thing was getting too silly for you. With a stern look you eyed John, standing in front of Javier.

"This is my house, my property! I decide who can come here and who can't! Is that clear, John!"

"Y/N! Do you really think you can trust that snake? After all he's done!"

"Oh, come on John! Don't act like that! You let Abigail and Jack down back then! You let us all down that time!"

Now John was the one who had nothing to say about it. The two men paused and you were glad that neither of them had anything to say at the moment.

"We all made mistakes in our past. But talking about it doesn't undo anything!"

"Y/N, you may be right, but Javier sided with Micah! He is partly to blame for Arthur's death!"

"That's enough John! You better leave now!"

But John didn't listen at all, he went straight for Javier, stood in front of him, but Javier didn't back away, nor did he let John intimidate him.

"You betrayed us all."

With his head held high, he looked John in the eye. There was something dangerous in his gaze.

"I saved your life more than once, hijo de puta!"

But John was so pissed, he wasn't even listening to what Javier had to say to him.

"When Y/N needed you the most, you weren't there! You abandoned her and your child!"

It hit Javier, but also you, like a thunderbolt when John spoke those words. And at that very moment, there was a deep and powerful clap of thunder. Within a few seconds, the first raindrops were already falling to the earth. Daughter? How? But… For Javier, a world just collapsed. He was completely confused and you could see it in his face. His eyes slid across the ground, trying to comprehend what John had just said.

"Your daughter would have needed a father! Your woman would have needed you!"

You couldn't believe John had the thoughtlessness to say such a thing to Javier. Sobbing, you put your hand to your mouth to suppress your tears as best you could. Eventually everything came to light, but it had definitely been too soon. Way too soon and you would never forgive John for that. Closing your eyes, you let the first tears run free. The rain became heavier and soon wetted your entire face, mixing with your tears.

Javier was so shocked by John's statement that he was speechless. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words passed his lips. His eyes became glassy and he cast a shocked look in your direction. When he saw your tears and your agonized expression, he was aware that John was telling the truth.

"Y/N… no…"

"Fuck you Javier! Do her a favor and fuck off again!"

Where was his child? You didn't tell him about it! Where the hell was his daughter?

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Living Colour - Broken Hearts

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[fieriframes]

[All aboard the ship of love. We're going full speed ahead, toot toot! The ocean is full of broken hearts. And the captain is a kiss! Ship of love, full of tender hugs. I must steer the course to the island of love. There are pineapples and crabs there. But I cannot eat them, too heartbroken today. It's the ship, it's the ship. The ship of love. I drive the ship, drive the ship. The ship of love. Look out for rocks, big scary rocks. The rocks are metaphors for my broken heart!]